Bearded Man from Finland Cashes In on Holiday Cheer

This transcript was generated from the episode audio and may contain minor errors.

[Music]

Oh, hey there, Side Hustle School friends and listeners. This is Chris Guillebeau. I got a special story for you today. I want us to all gather around the Bluetooth speaker, just like our forefathers did. I want to tell you all about a bearded man from Finland who cashes in on holiday cheer.

Like I said, a very special story. You've never heard it like this before though. So let's say thank you to our sponsor and then we'll head down the chimney. Here we go. [Music]

Today's story comes from a jolly old man who lives for much of the year somewhere north of Finland, or maybe Alaska, depending on how you look at it.

When he's not working in his warehouse preparing for a seasonal side hustle, he's loved and feared by young people all over the world. Despite numerous allegations of breaking and entering, as well as wholesale theft of milk and cookies, he remains popular with a certain segment of the population that relies on him for patronage politics in the form of seasonal donations. This man is a frequent traveler, especially in the month of December, when he racks up an incredible number of frequent flyer miles in a very brief window of time. But with so many stops to make, how does he keep track of it all? Well, he used to maintain two lists.

One comprised of stops in which to deliver kindling to poorly mannered young adults, and the other with stops in which to throw down the bling with PlayStations, extra copies of Call of Duty, feminist Barbies, and Cold Stone Creamery gift cards. But thanks to some help from the sponsors of Side Hustle School, his life is now much simpler, no need for those manual lists, and he now uses fresh books, designed to save you time dealing with paperwork, so you can spend more time making your hustle happen. As things get busy toward the end of the year, his domestic partner relies on Blue Apron, the number one fresh ingredient delivery service, to keep his belly shaking like a bowl full of jelly. And then once he hits the road, he's gone for quite a while. So he uses his long commute to listen to quality audio content on Audible, featuring an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more.

His website naturally is managed through WordPress. There are a couple of tools he's not using yet that I think he really should consider, because behind this bearded man is a coterie of additional assistance known as elves, who work in the shop throughout the year. But if only he used ShipStation to manage and ship all of his orders, he wouldn't need those elves. Another thing he doesn't use, but really should, is Harry's razors. Harry's offers their blades at half the price, just $2 a blade, compared to the $4 or more you'll pay at the drugstore.

Now to get things done, this man has also recruited Animal Labor Force in the form of nine reindeer. Little is known about eight of these reindeer, aside from their names, but the ninth is known as the most famous reindeer of all. This reindeer, in fact, was invented by a copywriter from the Montgomery Ward store in 1939. Montgomery Ward is not a sponsor of the show, by the way. I don't think they're a sponsor of anything anymore, since they went out of business long ago.

Probably should have focused on selling stuff at the store instead of inventing reindeer. In this world of manic product delivery, not everything is candy canes and snowflakes. On a show, I want to always highlight the challenges and problems, struggles that people go through, and over the past 700 years, a lot of things have gone wrong with the side hustle. One child was traumatized when she saw her mother kissing this man late at night. Even though her parents remained together for years after that incident, she's still talking about it in therapy.

This man has also made some questionable wardrobe choices, not to mention some poor hiring decisions, one in particular that was best documented in a 2003 movie starring Will Ferrell. Other common problems include getting stuck in chimneys and dealing with poorly performing imitators, who ring bells in front of big box stores all across America. He probably should have considered some kind of patent process when he started, but it's too late now. Also, let's just get real, this man really needs to diversify his income streams. Hundreds of years later, he's still getting paid only once a year, and pretty much only in cookies.

A big problem these days is he's trying to stick to a ketogenic gluten-free diet. It's a hard job overall, but there's one major life-threatening challenge that looms over all else. This man has a credibility gap. Many people believe in his powers at a young age, but then they begin to doubt as they get older. They lose heart, they pull at his beard.

They even tell their younger siblings that he simply isn't real. Well, part of what we're hoping to do with this story is to tell you, friends, listeners, don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling. One time long ago, a miracle took place in Midtown Manhattan in between 33rd and 35th streets, which is best illustrated by this classic quotation. "Yes, Virginia, there really is this weird guy with a beard "who's just given out stuff. "Don't ask too many questions.

"Sometimes in life, good things just come along, "and all you have to do is believe." Well, what can we learn from this long-living, side-hustling delivery man? First, let's go back to motivations. It's important to understand why you start a side hustle. People got all kinds of different reasons, but in this story, is this man really in it for the money? Like, what are his motivations?

Is this, in fact, fake news? Second, it's okay to be an individual. Like, you can be yourself, you do you. Perhaps you don't break into people's homes and steal their food while leaving presents behind, but, you know, everybody's got their quirks. That ninth reindeer, for example, had a special feature.

Some might say he was differently abled, and because of that, all the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names, but then on a night filled with fog and fright, this reindeer's special feature managed to save the world. Third, how does this work market-wise? You know, this man has a monopoly, but he outsources to parents all over the world for actual product fulfillment. That's one thing he does that's really smart. He's actually very good at delegating.

The parents not only have to provide gifts under trees, they also have to pay for them. It's a beautiful model that leaves him with almost pure profit, at least in the form of milk and cookies, not to mention all those photos of them all. And last, his business has been going for more than 700 years. I mean, talk about sustainability. Despite the lack of wardrobe updates and a stubborn refusal to consider virtual gifts, which might make the whole delivery thing much easier, this intensive seasonal side hustle shows no signs of slowing down.

In fact, it might be back again next year. Well, how about you over there? Are you slowing down? Listen, I hope you enjoy this festive season, but I'd also suggest you better watch out. You'd better get to work on your hustle.

I'm Chris Guillebeau. I'd like to wish you happy holidays on behalf of the whole Side Hustle School team. We'll be back once more tomorrow. [Music]